Aurora Magazine 2019

accepting offers to hang out with friends, who’ve started to think me unsociable. The mere thought of my responsibilities alone made me want to cry from severe stress overload, and I’d end up on a crash course of self-destruction, because stress headaches put me to bed faster than sore muscles ever did. ‘Procrastination at its finest’ peers would say. No, I thought. This was more than simply being sleep-deprived or even procrastination at its finest. There had to be a reason I was feeling this way – whether it was caused by my already imperfect physical health or, as my room - mate pointed out, perhaps a psychological problem. I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard the doc clear his throat. A few moments of silence follow as he writes more into his folder. He looks over what he’s written, thinking. “Well, having low energy levels and feeling fatigue can be caused by a number of things. It can be something with the physical body that causes poor blood supply, illnesses that affect metabolism, or other issues that cause sleep disturbances. It could be a side effect from many medications. Even some psychological stress can cause fatigue like the one you described. We’d have to start with some tests and draw some blood to narrow down what may be causing your exhaustion.” He grabs his stethoscope and has me practice deep breaths before he continues. “Are there any other concerns you think might help us determine what it is that’s got you feeling this way?” I chewed my lip as I thought about how to answer. I have a real chance at finding out why this is happening, despite my fear for the answer – for something I didn’t fully understand. All I needed was a leap of faith into the unknown. All I needed was to take that first step. That step that would lead to many uncertain - ties and plenty to be afraid of. That step, that despite all the fear and hardship, would take me a bit closer to feeling like myself; to feeling human again.

8