Onyx Spring-Summer 2017

An open letter to the girl I said goodbye to after losing 100 pounds. #WeightLossTransformation

BY CECILIA GRAY ’15

It wasn't that long ago that you were the only version of me that I knew. You were the girl who built who I am today, and for that... I am more thankful than I can ever explain. 100 pounds ago, you were the girl who only had a simple love for life. And, although that love for life carried you through so much, you struggled more than anyone around you could have possibly ever understood. You were always liked by those you encountered, and could make absolutely everyone in the room actually laugh their @%# off. You were beautiful, both inside and out. Even though, most of society wouldn't agree. At this time in your life, your biggest dream was to portray "Tracy Turnblad" in the musical "Hairspray". And, when presented with the opportunity to audition for this dream role, you had the utmost confidence that you could portray the role better than anyone else. You worked your @%# off at auditions, and practiced your audition piece for weeks, only to be crushed with a simple phone call offering a different role as "Mr. Pinky"... It was one of the hardest things to do, to go to rehearsal every day and watch someone else do what you had always dreamed of. You didn't know it at the time, but I was there with you. You had no idea that this was going to be a turning point in your life, and that you were going to be just fine. For years, you carried around all this extra baggage. You covered yourself in extra layers to try and protect yourself from any other kind of hurt, or pain. And, as life rolled on and continued throwing punches, all you wanted to do was hide. You loved to sit at home and eat to cope with the struggles you were facing. As embarrassing as it is to admit,

fat. You set free a soul, that you didn't even realize you had. You let me free. Because of you, because of who you were... You built me. 100 pounds ago you were a young lady who didn't know how to love herself. You were a young lady who didn't have the highest self confidence, and a young soul who was so afraid of being hurt. It was hard saying goodbye to you. It was hard to let go of the fear that you held, and it was hard knowing that I had to let go of you, to be who I am today. But, please, please know that I will never forget you. Your humor sticks around, and your simple love for life expands into so many other aspects of your life now. You taught me how to be humble, you taught me how to love others, but most of all you taught me how to love myself. Pound by pound, step by step, Every. Single. Drop. Of. Sweat... was worth it. Because, you my dear did it. You won your battle. You did not fail. You never dreamed that the gym would be your favorite place to go. You never dreamed of running a mile in eight minutes. You never thought you would ever use the hashtag #WeightLossTransformation. But, here I am. I still have miles to go, and I will always carry you with me, but I will never carry your weight again, my friend. So, to the girl I said goodbye to after losing 100 pounds...Thank you. #BigGirlNoMore

a Big Mac from McDonald's could make you feel so much joy. I remember when you realized you needed to make a change, and that just thinking of starting a diet, or going on a walk wasn't just because society told you to do it. I remember when you realized that you needed to do it for yourself. It didn't matter what anyone else wanted for you, it only mattered what you wanted for yourself. Your confidence was very low, but losing that first 10 pounds built up so much momentum that you didn't want to stop. You began making those small "healthier" decisions, like cutting out soda, or using sweet n' low instead of sugar, because you realized any change no matter how small or big was going to be a positive change. I remember when you realized that you deserved a better quality of life, one where you went out and explored the world, instead of hiding from it, and could learn to love yourself. That my dear, was your biggest challenge. You were terrified to go to the gym, because you didn't want to be the ideal fat girl who would give up in a few months. You didn't want this to be just another audition where you're cast as "Mr. Pinky", all over again. You wanted to do it. You wanted to be the best there was. I remember when you would go on those late night walks around campus to get all your steps in for the day, I remember when you sat on the stationary bike and peddled until your legs couldn't handle another second. You pushed yourself, farther than you ever dreamed you could. Pound by pound you began to reveal me. You began to reveal the woman who was hidden beneath the extra layers of

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