Aurora 2024

Aliyah Orten

but finding a moment where I am the only one not in an extracurricular that they are in. I find myself eating alone when they meet. The cafeteria environment makes sitting alone feel awkward and like everyone has eyes on you. I think about asking someone I only have class conversations with if I can join their table. I talk myself out of it though; I’ll be okay. These lonely lunches usually put me into a funk for the remaining parts of the day. I find myself overthinking even more, convincing myself that my friends prefer to spend their time without me. I often think they never hold second thoughts on what I do without them. Every time I say I will build up the courage to feel confident in myself or to find someone else to sit with. Every time concludes the same way, alone with my thoughts. 20 In college, hand raising isn’t a necessity like it is in grade school. Other simple rules such as raising your hand to speak are reversed in college. Before this, teachers were always saying, “College professors will not care as much as we do for you.” College professors seem focused but like they genuinely care about you, not about who you are related to or friends with. At this moment, hearing what they have to say about my future is easier to believe than what past teachers had to say.

I find myself wondering why I need to internally convince myself that simply speaking aloud without

16